| update on life. |
[26 Dec 2008|10:34pm] |
Life in Boston is very good, I am getting closer to a lot of people and i am being more social. but i just feel weird sometimes. maybe its depressed. i dont know. i have always been the person that everyone goes to for advice, on anything. even people i dont know very well always seem to be calling me for help, but now i feel like i have no one to turn to when i need help, or someone to talk to. i mean, when leo an i were going out i could always talk to him about everything, and because i always talked to him I stopped talking to everyone else. i used to have people i could trust, friends that i knew i could trust with anything, and now i just dont trust anyone. I dont even know why I am feeling this way. but i just wantt someone to talk to and I cant think of a single person i would feel comfortable calling out of the blue to help me with whatever it is im going through. so instead i just get to be a freaking loser and write about it on livejournal.
and it doesnt help that i want to kick my cousin Jim and his stupid dog right in the jaw.
|
|
| waaaay to much retail therapy |
[06 Aug 2008|12:14am] |
so i feel a lot better about the break up now, i really need to be happy with myself on my own before i can really be happy in a relationship (i know how corny w/e)
but since the break up i just cant stop shopping. i mean, it happened in california so my step mom took me out like everyday. i got 2 free people tops and a pair of jeans, a miss sixty dress, fendi glasses, stuff from scoop, and tons of other stuff. and yet i can still think of a million other things that i want. its really terrible. i have bought 2 leather bags in the past 2 months, and my step mom gave me one, and i still want a new one, and new skinny jeans, and ankle boots. and i want all new shoes because the only reason i stopped wearing heels and platforms everyday was because leo was only 3 inches taller than me.
god, i want to much.
its addicting
|
|
| i dont know what to do anymore |
[25 Jul 2008|01:08pm] |
i wish he would have told me he cheated on me, or said he wasnt attracted to me anymore, or said i was crazy. at least then i could hate him for it. he wouldnt tell me he loved me for like two weeks, and then when he breaks up with me he tells me that he'll always love me. what the hell am i supposed to say. i want to be able to never speak to him again, to go out to parties and hook up with other people, but i cant, even though we are not together, i would still feel like im cheating on him, even the thought of kissing another person disgusts me.
i dont know where to go, i was leaving los angelos early to see him, and wating for him to go back to boston, he is supposed to pick me up at the airport, and since my mom is gone and my car is broken i was supposed to stay at his house a lot while i was in florida. what the hell am i supposed to do now? i want to go to florida and see my friends, but i know it will hurt being there and not seeing him,
2 and a half years and its over with a phone call.
|
|
| Fire Island/strange family vacation |
[22 Jul 2008|10:39pm] |
what i saw on my family vacation to fire island
3 naked lesbians, one of which aparently was the host of the first soft core porn show on tv
4 guys giving head in the forest, in broad daylight
1 guy painting a picture of one of the guys giving head in the forest
many advertisements for cabana boys and massages naked
several ugly naked men
and at least 100 fully bronzed ridiculously muscular guys walking with their boyfriends in speedos
|
|
| i just want things to be how they used to be |
[10 Apr 2008|12:16pm] |
I dont know whats happened to me.
i feel like i used to e such an interesting person, or at least a fun person, i used to have so much energy, and i wanted to go to parties and have crazy friends. random adventures with Audrey and nights that turn into days with Jenna and Emily. i used to be fflirtacious, and i used to feel like i was at least mildly attractive. with Leo i feel like i am themost boring person in the world, the only time he wants to be with me is when he needs help with his homework or something. and everyweekend he goes out to parties and finds girls more interesting than i am. i used to be one of those girls that he finds interesting, but i dont think i ever will be again.
|
|
| trying to drive Stick |
[18 Mar 2008|01:02am] |
so my mom bought me a 500 dollar volvo, but it is a stick shift, and i really suck. i tried to go to her work today (it is like 10 minutes away) and i stalled 4 times while i was trying to get out of the drive way, and of course the garbage truck was blocking the other lane so like five cars were honking at me because they couldnt get around me. the rest of the drive i didnt stall, but i was so focused on shifting that i didnt notice that my dress had completely fallen off until i pulled up to my moms work, got out of the car, looked down and saw my bra and my dress at my waist and of course the entire front wall at my moms work is windows, so not only did everyone driving in tequesta see my bra, but everyone that works with my mom did too.
i hate stick shift
|
|
| a lot is changing |
[04 Mar 2008|07:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nostalgic |
] |
so my mom is moving to new york, at first i wasnt really upset by it because she is keeping the house in Florida, and left me a car so i could get around while i am there, but the more i think about it the sadder i get. i mean, i like florida because i get to live there with my mom, i dont want to live in a house all by myself, and watch movies by myself and eat dinner by myself, and go shopping by myself. as annoying as my mom is i still love her and love living with her. she is moving in June, i think at most i will only be in Florida for a month this summer. i just dont want to be there with old memories by myself.
everything is changing, its not all bad, I really hope i get into this program i auditioned for in Italy, I need time away from everyone i know so i can figure out who i really am. right now i really believe that i dont like going to parties, and i like going to sleep early and getting all my homework done far in advance, but i also remember how i used to be in highschool, i feel like i was way more adventurous back then and i dont really know what happened.
i dont know, i hope i get to see everyone while i am in Florida this summer, i miss a lot of people
oh, and just so Evan knows, this journal entry is not emo, it is reflective.
|
|
| Kathleen is stealing my pony tail holders |
[29 Feb 2008|10:01am] |
|
every time i take a shower i leave my pony tail holder on the sink, then she comes in to get food from the fridge while im in the shower, takes my pony tail holder, and puts it on her dresser. Then when i say usually ill just get another one, but whenever i say "where the hell is my pony tail holder" she says, aww did you lose it? you can borrow the one on my dresser. whore
|
|
| drunk assholes |
[18 Feb 2008|09:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 aggravated |
] |
so i decided i would try and be like the cool people and go out and party, and it really didnt work very well.
i felt awkwardly tall and lanky, and since i cant dance at all i sat down in a chair next to leo who was sitting on the edge of a couch. then this random guy i dont know comes up to me and says "can i dance on your chair" i said no because i was sitting in it and he looked so shocked that someone wouldnt get up to give him a chair to dance on when there was an entire dance floor right in front of him. he preceded to say "are you serious? you wont let me dance on your chair? i want to dance and your just sitting down, go sit on the arm of that couch." i told him there was no way in hell i was going to straddle the arm of a couch in a dress, and his responce was " i cant believe you, i just think you being pretty rude, this is my guitarists house and i want to dance on this chair."
i hate drunk people, i hate being told to dance, i hate being told to drink, i hate stupid boys that think the world should revolve around them. i dislike short "curvy" girls that look at me like i am a freak of nature.
this incident reminded me of all the times boys get away with being assholes, like firt year of highschool some dumbass told me i should be a porn star and told me my boobs had gotten bigger and i kicked him in his shins and he tried to hit me with a 2 by 4 and sands kicked me out of the shop. then when i told him he had been sexually harassing me he said, yes, but i cant control what he does, so you just have to put up with it.
or every time my brothers throw things and hit me, my mom would always scream at me because they cant control of themselves so i should learn to avoid them.
i am so fucking sick of guys having every excuse in the world to do whatever they want because they are incapable of controlling there actions.
there are so many stupid boys that really need a good kick in the balls.
so, long story short, no more parties for me.
|
|
| MY BIRTHDAY! |
[13 Feb 2008|08:26am] |
my birthday was awesome, i got to go to the aquarium and then me and a bunch of my friends went out to this crepe place that was AMAZING! my dad is finally gone, it has been so awkward wth him here, but thats okay because my friends are awesome :)
exept for a certain friend who complained when i didnt call him until 9pm on HIS birthday and then didnt call me at all on my birthday or even write no my facebook. hes a stupid whore. you know who you are...
|
|
| i know where i am living next year!!!! |
[09 Feb 2008|11:27pm] |
|
it is SOOOOOOOOOO cute. and i love my room, i am going to paint it baby blue and have pink curtains and possibly a pink chandalier (sp)
|
|
|
[07 Feb 2008|02:48pm] |
|
i am really sick of everyone expecting me to put their needs ahead of my own.
|
|
| my friends suck ass |
[02 Feb 2008|05:38pm] |
i fucking hate all my friends.
evan and annie are so fucking annoying i wish they would fall off a cliff and land in a pit of fire.
god they suck so badly.
|
|
| THIS SUCKS |
[16 Jan 2008|12:57am] |
|
the only one of my roommates that i like, and my best friend at BoCo is not coming back next semester, i honestly dont even want to go back. i cant believe it. i anow in a room with two fucking crazy noisy not nice musical theater majors. i dont know what im going to do. i have no one to go to dinner with, no one to talk to. this is so crappy
|
|
| my family sucks ass |
[24 Dec 2007|07:54pm] |
|
i really dont know why i feel sorry for my bothers. and i dont know why i always try and bond with them when they are complete assholes. for some reason i always think that theyve changed, but they are always rude and curse and call me a bitch and try to intimidate me. i cant understand them at all. do they really think its cool that they can beat up a 110 pound girl? does that boost their self esteme? and its always my fault no matter what happened, ecause if you blame them they just throw things, slam doors and run away. i really want to go back to boston. i cant stand them.
|
|
|
[22 Nov 2007|11:28pm] |
|
so, i havent felt stressed and awkward ina a long time...untill now. i think going to new york for thanksgiving was a bad plan, i feel really out of place. ugh. i wish i was home.
|
|
| my room still kicks ass but... |
[01 Sep 2007|07:47pm] |
i am so sad, i dont know why, i have been wanting to move away for as long as i can remember, but now, i feel so alone. i feel like everyone else has these friends and i dont. idk w/e i hope it will get better
and to make it all worse, leo thought he lived 10 mins away from me, but he really lives almost 45 minutes. i miss him a lot.
|
|
| they do it for the "lulz" |
[17 Aug 2007|07:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
so, Amy reminded me that i had this thing.
cant believe i start college in 2 weeks, pretty much all my friends are already gone which sucks, i wish i had hung out with them more before they left, but there will always be xmas break.
i am excited about college and moving out, i have been wanting to move out since i was like 5 and i cant believe its actually happening.
-oh, and i really want Geoff to give me his car
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
trixy7's journal